There is one missing

Lately, I'm constantly looking around for my 4th baby. I get everyone to the dinner table (including Baby A) and I look around like, "Okay, where's the other one?"

It is so odd. And I get this feeling ALL THE TIME now. Which is making things difficult for me since I've basically decided that we will stop with 3 babies.

Please note that this is a very recent decision; made mostly after trying to heal from Baby A's birth. It was apparently more than I could take :)

But, seriously...I keep thinking there is someone missing. When we are loading up the car, I look for the 4th child. When I am putting the kids to sleep at night, I look for this 4th baby.

I don't know if I really want a 4th baby and this is my subconscious kicking in. Or, if I just have so many kids now that my mind is playing tricks on me :)

Either way, it is the oddest sensation/feeling to look at my 3 babies and say, "Wait, where did the other one go?"

I want to get in trouble

Okay, so I've always been the good girl. I was always home by curfew (really I only went out a handful of times), I never smoked cigarettes...I was kinda dweeby!

But, now I'm almost 32...and I wanna do something bad. I want to get in trouble!!!

I want to jump into my shopping cart at the supermarket and sail down the aisles. I want to stand up and sing a dirty song in the middle of a meeting. I want to sneak candy into a movie theatre...just because they say I can't. I want to cut the tags off my mattress. I want to eat raw cookie dough; lots of it!

I want to have a drink before 5pm. I want to eat dessert before dinner, and sometimes I want to tell the kids, "Forget those veggies. Let's have banana splits!"

I want to walk around in 4-inch heels and refer to them as my "hooker shoes." I want to ALWAYS cut the crusts from my PB&Js...and be proud of it!

I want to put a huge layer of butter on my toast in the mornings, and grin while I eat it because I know how bad it is for me.

I want to give crude comebacks to evil people. "Suck it!"

What is going on??? I've never been like this before.

Maybe I'm just happy. :)